We stay in the tension, the fire and soften into the pose, so we can finally get out and understand how strong and resilient we are. But tapas is more than the poses. Tapas is more than the discomfort we feel when we are in a split, half split or whatever pose is uncomfortable.
It’s the real emotion. The emotion that is so sad you become numb. To really be in tapas is the real sadness. The sadness you still think of and cry. The sadness of breaking up with your boyfriend years ago.
I think back to then.
The thought of doing that broke me into a million pieces. The future that I thought I had was gone. The feeling of trying so hard to make the relationship work and actually becoming the biggest failure.
Realizing that I was not worthy of real love. That my efforts were not enough and that I was never going to be enough.
I was not enough
I was not enough
I was not enough
That’s the feeling of tapas.
The feeling of not being enough.
This is my fire. I am not enough.
I’ll stay in this feeling til I finally realize I am enough.