Cocoon

For a long time I have been cocooning. 

First, I was a caterpillar, muscling my way to finally see the light. 

Then a butterfly, discovering my confidence. Realizing that I can fly. 

I created amazing relationships with friends and family, adapted and accepted people for who they are. I stood on my own two feet, taking care of myself, then a cat and a dog. I was a capable functioning human. I was kicking; my butterfly stage.  

As I reflected, again and again. I realized that becoming this butterfly had a cost. I was protecting myself from any harm and lost my ability to be vulnerable. I didn’t want to go back to my cocoon stage, but here I was, in a different way. My wall, so high. 

From hurt to num. From one cocoon to another. 

I was stealing from myself, my inability to have intimate connections, my inability to trust. The only person I could trust was me. 

I could trust people to some degree, but never with my whole heart.  

So what happens now? Present moment. 

Can I really break free? 

#Astey #nonstealing #self-study #svadhyaya